Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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