Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
