thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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