who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
