Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
