Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
