I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
