You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
