do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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