I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
