I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
