If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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