life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
