New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
