Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
