I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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