gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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