He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am one with the molecules
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
