Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
