so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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