Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Michael Bay diarrhea
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
