Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
