If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
its liver damage thursday
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
