I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
