Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
