I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
