Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pants are for mortals
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
