3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
