I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
