Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
