He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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