my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
