I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
