Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
