well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
