so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
