At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
