If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
