last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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