i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
