i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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