your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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