Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
