On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
