Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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