Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
