the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
