It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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