I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
3pm strippers are depressing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
