If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
