i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
