I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
