Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
