taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
