I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
