i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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