You can't motorboat a personality
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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