awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize