Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
