things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
