I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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