I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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