I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she peed on how many people?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The Olympian is in my bed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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