Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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