Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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